


teach me to forget

by kimjunmyoen



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, EXO - Freeform, EXO Angst, Lay - Freeform, Letter, Love, M/M, Romance, So much angst, Suho - Freeform, Yixing, idk - Freeform, junmyeon - Freeform, layho, slight baekxing, sulay - Freeform, sulay angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-11-27 07:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18191606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimjunmyoen/pseuds/kimjunmyoen
Summary: yixing fucked up, but still cannot let go.





	1. my peerless bliss

dear junmyeon,

i lay here wide awake whilst the memories embedded into my heart and soul run through my mind. the remembrance of us both ushers with clarity as i let go of all tension and recall our moments together.  
i still remember the date 15th February 2014.

On a deserted and tranquil night, i had fallen into a pit of despair and hopelessness as the illness i suffered from was fighting for dominance in my mind. Recalling the pain i had succumbed to is too much to elucidate so i'll will just simply state that it was insufferable.

I navigated the internet the for quite a lengthen period of time as i needed to ignore and numb the pain that was slithering through me. your message had stumbled onto my dashboard and i had clicked on it out of boredom. What you had sent me was kind and radiated a pleasant aura, the timing was pleasantry too as i really desired something good out of that night.

What You had sent me that flattered me a great deal, you smothered me with words of affections and i had fell into your soft and compassionate arms metaphorically. The following hours i had tossed and turn and struggled to get a substantial amount of sleep. You know why? it was because of you, you had created a new segment in my mind, a new level of contentment inside of me.

Throughout the year people had tried to feel woeful for my pain yet you junmyeon, were different, you are a man who doesn't attach to a fellow at ease which is why i had admired your dedication and words of compassion and actions to me. You had made me feel special. After a year of painful trauma of an illness that i had succumbed to due to the fact i was simply in a position of vulnerability, i had endured the pain for too long and you were the one who arrayed a new world of happiness to me.

Forgive me for rambling slightly but how could i ever emphasise your ambience and how you have influenced me into a new mindset. The illness i had supposedly escaped from has come back to haunt me ever since you had fled into a new crowd, what you feel for me currently i understand to a more ascending degree. i am an evil and remorseless person, i deserve no sympathy and my mindset had not changed, but forever you will be inhabitant in my heart. my peerless bliss.

yours truly,  
yixing


	2. sentimental

dear yixing,

it has been 2 years, 2 years since i have left, 2 years since i have embraced your presence. i experience admiration towards your words, i have moved on a steady pace, but my gratitude for you is beyond what i can exhibit with actions and words. i fully comprehend that you are in a melancholy state and do try my absolute most to sympathise with your mind. Yixing throughout those 3 years we had spent time and fully appreciated each other's presence i have been bewildered by your mindset. alterations can occur easily and i began to become worrisome. what if a bad omen had induced your mind? distressing would be an understatement, anxiety would urge through me and my heart would twist into a stone cold state, i loathed this feeling yixing and you had induced it greatly.

you say you're in despair and that you are overwhelmed with your emotions, however you should indeed take my feelings into consideration. yixing i loved you, but as those 2 years rushed at a pace that would be followed at extreme difficulty, i had encountered other people and they had sufficiently replaced you. i openly welcome you to mail me a letter expressing true anguish and vexation towards my words, but yixing this is the TRUTH. i cannot elucidate it enough. i had missed you immensely, i would long your presence for many months but it was unfortunate that it did not prolong.

i had read what you stated about your illness returning to taunt and inducing you to live yet another saddening life. my intention was not that, but when i read that my tears filled with despair and sorrow, i had permitted you to come out of that shell but here you are now returning to it. oh what to do yixing, the endeavours were not enough were they? i had truly thought this would be the best for you, the best for both of us.

i too lay awake at night, searching the stars in the nude sky, radiating a dark but sentimental ambience, but i ponder about the future and what it holds in its almighty hands. the past brings contentment but as we stare at the sky where anything could occur it seems as if we truly miss our old selves. sentimentality is what keeps us together, its a new level of contentment even if it sometimes makes us rain tears.

within the deep and soulful depths of my heart i truly do desire you to write me back because i hadn't communicated you in such a lengthen period of time, at the end of our relationship you had consumed an omen and it seems you have succumbed to it.

from junmyeon.


	3. paintings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohmygids i added new characters even tho i said i WOULDNT wow im dumb :/

yixing had not slept ever since he had laid eyes on junmyeon's response. It was a hefty stab to his heart, it was unexpected to yixing that junmyeon that he had moved on. He had truly thought that there was still an inkling of longingness of his presence but it's obvious that there isn't.  
The morning was scornful of yixing's state, lightly chuckling whilst yixing was in a deep despair the sun was content but he wasnt. An array of light had pierced through his thin curtains, the light had showered his face, it felt warm but not cosy, not this time round.

Yixing continuously stared at his computer, stabbing the monitor with eyes, it had filled with dust. He hadn't bothered to clean it. Eventually coming to his senses he stood up from his chair, suddenly the door bell rang. it had struck yixing like lightning through his ears. He looked like shit and he hadn't slept, what to do, he could radiate his pain onto someone else letting them know how much he was suffering, so they would pity him and never come back.

slowly, he descended to the stairs, the carpet was soft and the stairs creaked, yixing had managed to opened the door with his almighty strength because of how tired he was. the boy that stood in front had dumbstruck yixing, his silvery hair had brightened the room and his eyes had radiated such beauty. His smile was profound as his teeth gleamed with such clarity. "b-baekhyun?" yixing uttered, he hadn't expected him to come, not at this time.

"yixing... it's been so long" his voice was soft just like a pillow, he missed this but not as much as he missed junmyeon.

yixing felt embarrassed, he hadn't showered or brushed his teeth and he was standing in front of a man he hadn't encountered for a long time.

"please come in, i haven't washed since you came so early, so just make yourself home whilst you wait" and he meant that, baekhyun was a man that he was so close to for a few years, but lately yixing had confined himself into his room, slowly deteriorating into the hands of love. it was nice to talk to an old friend, diverting his attention from heartbreak.

baekhyun paced to yixing's living room, the carpet looked as it it had not been replaced for a long time, the walls were a dull beige colour and he had a number of shelves clasping onto the wall. They accommodated many books some were encyclopaedias and some were fiction books. A couch stood in front of baekhyun, luring him to sit down, and boy was it comfy. After baekhyun sat down, he had gaped at the wall, which held onto numerous paintings, they were all so unadorned, but they perfectly depicted yixing's current state, melancholy and desolated.

baekhyun heard the creaks of the stairs, it was evident from the sounds that the person was moving rapidly. "so sorry to keep you waiting" his hair was rough and a mess but baekhyun loved that and a small simper formed on his face.

"it's fine, i was just studying your paintings, they seem so.... dull" his voice quietened whilst stating 'dull' he had no intention of offending yixing but oh was he curious like a child.

"many people perceive them as dull, but i am the only one who truly sees through them" yixing had bought them because they had suited his current persona and how junmyeon had inflicted such an awful pain onto him, yet he still loved him deeply.

"if i had put up light coloured paintings, it wouldn't match my current setting, they are what represent me now, as i don't go outside anymore, im sure i don't need to elucidate anymore." he didn't want to explain the situation between him and junmyeon, that was to be saved for his nights when he would lay on his bed staring at the sky. 

"oh. im sorry for asking" baekhyun felt bad, before yixing left he was smitten by him truly. He had missed his words and his laughter, but evidently they were no where to be seen. Yixing had looked so ill and tired of the world, and baekhyun sympathised with him mentally, it had pained him to see yixing like this.

baekhyun couldn't take control of his eyes, he stood there continuously gaping at the paintings, it was so engrossing to realise that this was how yixing felt and this was what was going through his mind. his eyes were set on a painting with the man that was leaning on the edge of a couch, holding his palm on his face as he gazed at the floor, the colours correlated with his mood in detail. The couch was a dirty red and the curtains that surrounded the man was a white but a sad and desolated white. The man looked exhausted an absolutely finished with life, just like yixing.

yixing sat on the couch with baekhyun, they both stared at the painting, pondering how it relates to them and why would the man would feel like this. 

"it's sad isn't when someone doesn't feel the same way for you, you gift them with your full potential and they don't mirror it" baekhyun hummed as a response, he understood yixing, he knew what unrequited love felt like.

"i know." Yixing quickly turned to look at baekhyun, eyes set on his, examining every detail on him until baekhyun closed his eyes and gently leaned towards him whilst gaping at his lips.

"i think you should go."


	4. endurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for not being active, I had GCSEs so I was SUPER busy

Desolated. That’s how junmyeon felt. He had lied to yixing, claiming that he ‘had moved on’ oh what a deception. Junmyeon was sitting on his chair in front of his desk, glaring at the clock, pondering when he will be freed from this torture, his workplace was dim and grey, no bright colours were present as a gloomy mist hovered above the rooms of the altitudinal building that was located at the heart of the city of Gangnam. 

He sat there, with a pencil in hand and a palm on his face sighing profusely at the clock. It was boring, so plain and simple his life was, prior to this he was with yixing. Yixing was the polar opposite of this, yixing was boisterous and elated. This isn’t what junmyeon had wanted.

“Did you sign those papers” a voice chirped from the side of the room, it was Chanyeol, junmyeon’s coworker.

“Maybe I did”

“Maybe isnt a fucking answer” Chanyeol huffed, he was stern and agog, pretty bossy for someone who isn’t even in charge of junmyeon.   
Chanyeol turned around to exit but he had halted in his tracks .

“Can you come with me somewhere?” Chanyeol questioned, he looked anxious almost embarrassed, what did he want?

“fine” junmyeon retorted, it’s not like he had anything better to do.

Junmyeon followed the younger down the hallways, they were narrow and drab since the lights became smaller and smaller. Chanyeol stopped at the entrance of a janitor’s closet. The door was a dark green and paint was scraped off showing the dead wood beneath it.

Chanyeol opened the door which lead to an enclosed space that was surrounded by shelves of detergent, soaps and whatnot. Junmyeon followed him into it and stood there face to face with him, so close in fact that their noses were only an inch away from each other’s. 

“You know I like you, right?” Chanyeol said which perplexed junmyeon.

“what? What do you mean ‘I know?’” Junmyeon questioned, his statement was too broad, of course junmyeon didn’t know, how could he? Chanyeol had been acting like such a dick to him lately to him.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me junmyeon, you look like you wanna fuck me and badly” Chanyeol smirked, he was getting too cocky now and proceeded to move closer 

“What?? Chanyeol I have never thought that way about you” junmyeon slowly backed away, furthering his face from Chanyeol’s. he could feel chanyeol’s breath grasping onto him, and his hand touching his trousers slowing nearing to his bulge. 

“C-Chanyeol please stop”

Chanyeol didn’t stop, his hand was nearing closer and closer, junmyeon wanted to push him off but it was no use, the closetwas too small and it was easy to grab hold of him again. His breath became more rapid and Chanyeol manoeuvred his lips to his neck, sucking them hard as junmyeon aimlessly stared at the other end of the room. Chanyeol removed his hands from junmyeon’s bulge to his shirt attempting to unbutton.

“CHANYEOL STOP” junmyeon screamed, he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t endure this hell, he hated it he hated everything, Chanyeol was startled and tried to calm him down but junmyeon ran out of the closet, down the desolated halls and the narrow doors until he hit the office. He grabbed his things and ran and ran to the streets of gangnam. It was night time , and the stars were awake, painted on the black canvas of the sky. Tears fell down from junmyeon’s cheek, he thought of yixing, he thought of how yixing would be able to save him, make his whole world better. It was purgatory without him and he couldn’t endure it no longer.


End file.
